Begin a revolution...

and call it "Me." You know your soul is almost trapped and you must keep it free. Kneel before no one and call out no name but your own. Hurt nothing and no one, and hold me like foreign languages possess your mind and nothing is owned. Words are away; if there's anything to say, and your mind falls astray and your body hasn't a clue who I am. You're my favorite enemy and worst lover, Best human being and ex-undercover. Least ashamed is all I am and most afraid is all I'll ever be. I can see in this blind world but am blinded by all I see. Love is blind and love it may be. Love? No; love and so much more. And if I could ever speak another word, I'd never say anything I've ever heard. No, no you're nowhere near worth it, but a thousand times more. Do you see where you've led me to go? Do you understand the things you've exposed? Of all I've wished it would be you and now that it is, I've got no one to blame and everything to lose. All I want is everything and all I need is always. You're the world and universe, and all that's around, and if I could ask you for anything, "don't judge me; I'm corny and please stick around."

 

The flowers

are blooming underneath your shiny skull, but don't speak. I can see the color and the light inside your head, beautifully painted with shades of red. I know the story but it's still unfamiliar to me. You can see the train wreck from miles away, smoke and fire high in the sky with no doubt that there were no survivors. But it's okay, in a way. One day all the pieces will be used for something new just like your flowers. Until then, I'll be rummaging through the mess, scavenging what's left from all those hard collisions and crashes and hit and run accidents and it'll be okay. After all is gone and lost, who will stay? I'd like to say you wouldn't be one to walk away from a lost cause but I could be wrong, I've never asked the question, and even then it's only hypothetical. And theoretically, there's no reason for you to stop and play the game a little longer. It would only make the good-byes more somber and might not do any good at all. But risks are what make life worth playing and without any mystery there would be no point in saying all I've said. Love until the very end.

A passionless heart

is no heart at all. Where was I when my world came to fall? In my youth it was nothing to cry for but in these reminders of my emptiness I weep. Blankly I make my way through all of these lonely crowded places, no questions asked with no story to tell. All is meant well, but perhaps our good intentions destroy us in the very end. I've got nothing to offer except for myself and nothing to give but obedience. Where is father time taking me, I can't help but beg "Are we there yet?" Because even with no mind to the destination, I wait and pray for the journey to end.

Happiness of all of yours in mind, but where is mine? Passion for this self destructive willing slavery ruins and wastes all of my time. Every second passing, I think of some one else and every minute I hope to please, but I see so much of so many others, I never stop to think of me. A strong little she, so pathetic indeed, you'd think she might never find her way. But she's abrupt in her ways and before you notice, she's gone from infant speak to Hemingway. Please, "don't tread on me," I've got nothing to give you and no patience left in me. I'm sorry to disappoint but so glad to be free. No chains and no boundaries, always but now you can see. I've missed myself so, and all I want is me. And now the lights that have sparkled in my head are shining so bright for myself to feel.

Drink beer, be queer;

wipe a tear from every fear swallow all your whiskey shots and don't forget your meds but remember it's different. Don't die just try to make it by all the centuries in the worst dimensions of hell. Stay strong I'll pray for you to stay well, and I love you forever. Don't you ever forget.

 

If I were a lion,

I would refrain from devouring your physical being, because I would want to be nice and eating you would be mean. If I had wings, I would give you a ride because that would be cool and I've always wanted to fly. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I wake up and just ask why, but I already know the answer. Every now and then I cry, but I know it wont fix me any faster. And people tell me they can see there's something strange in the mess they call my brain, but I don't care, cause everyone is wrong in their own sweet way. And sometimes I wonder whats so great about accuracy, because simple guesses are so much more interesting. And when I'm dreaming I try to hold on, and bring souvenirs for when I wake, but I know that everything I'm dreaming of would come to hate this place. So I make few promises and tell few lies but sometimes its hard to be perfect when you see things through these eyes.

At the moment of surrender,

right as your white flag begins to raise, I think I catch a whiff of hope somewhere in this haze. Blinded eyes by all the lies and hurt have stopped me then but somewhere inside my irrational cries I reached a total zen. As my frustrations and everything that's held me back all begin to fall out, there's an excellent clean up crew cleaning it up off of the ground, not asking for anything in return even though I know there's so much they wish. You watched me close the door, but now the curtains in the window are moving away. I'm quietly screaming right in your face, but how can you know if I don't really say? I get this urge to say things I know I should say, but I'm afraid these apples aren't yet ripe, and if I pick them too soon they'll rot away before they bloom. The last thing I want to do is wait, but all could be doomed if I act with great haste. As hopelessness begins to rule, hope silently surfaces from a deep hidden place. And just when we all believed the end came and passed, it feels like the beginning of true freedom at last.

"And it was sweet because I'm self conscious about my forehead."

Awake all night

to sleep away the day, I wonder where my mind ended up when it went away. My fickle burning eyes can tell you so much more than my lips could ever say, so take a look past the surface before you give up and walk away. No matter what your understanding is, the truth can always change and I'd rather have you know it all than miss out on a page. Back in the good old days things were never good, and now in these tornadoes I predicted everything feels as it should. Whatever went wrong must be horribly right. I can feel the calming caress of peace through the night, and my body is grounded while my life takes flight and becomes something more than just a wish. In the end only what you need can be fixed and all the rest is history. My blueprints won't get rid of all this rubble but they sure will make it shine, the beauty in the disaster is that all the debris is mine. Again I sink into the deep abyss of the oceanic floor, being called and called upon but I can't hear so far below the shore. All I need is less but all we want is more. I can hear our hearts pounding light years per minute and we've got all the time in the world. Can't you see the boy is calling? He's been waiting for so long. But I've waited my whole lifetime just to right my wrongs. So wrong your rights and pray tonight for a better life in the morning, and every worst wreck you find yourself in will at last prove so rewarding.

I felt like I was being attacked

even though I was the one doing the killing.

Every tearful word in every broken plea for more chances felt like a thousand tiny daggers twisting my guts around and around until guts no more.

And after all the fighting and screaming and all of my efforts toward self preservation, I am still defeated.